Dear Intended Parents

  As I lay in my hospital room on the other side of an incredible journey, I reflected on everything that got me there. While staring into the face of the most precious little boy, I felt so thankful for everything that would lead me to that moment. I had just given birth to a precious soul, but he wasn’t my own. I was holding a little boy I carried for the woman who was sitting across from me. When I looked up she smiled, and I smiled knowing what this moment truly meant.

  I never expected to gain a friendship or bond with the family I chose to help. I never knew how humbled or blessed this would truly make me.  I just knew I wanted to help a family grow. I had witnessed through people I cared for the pain of infertility…and I knew the pain of loss first hand. I wanted to take that knowledge and make a difference…unselfishly and without expectation.

  As I began the process of becoming a gestational carrier I wondered if the intended parents looking at my profile would worry if I would want their baby because of my loss. To be honest, that was my only worry. I knew I was called to do this, and I never wanted a couple to wonder if I would bond too much or grieve the loss of another child as I handed them theirs. I wanted them to be fully confident in my desire to help them complete their family. 

  When I read the profile of the couple I would eventually carry a sweet little boy for, I knew I wanted to help them. I also knew that I would have to go into this journey with an open heart and a willingness to not only carry their sweet baby, but also help them through their grief. They had just lost a son unexpectedly and the pain was very raw. I wondered if they would even look twice at my profile due to the fact that I had also lost a child some years back. Would they trust that I could unselfishly carry their child and hand that child over after carrying it for 9 months? Thankfully they took that chance because it led us to where we are today.

  On October 27, 2012 a precious little boy entered this world. He was welcomed by his mommy, daddy, sister, my family and me. His parents spent months hoping, praying and worrying if this day would actually arrive. We began a journey with a single embryo and continue it with a beautiful little miracle baby. 

  Before their son was born they decided the baby would stay in my room while they went back to the hotel to spend time with their 8 year old daughter, answering her questions and giving her some time to adjust. When they asked me if I would be okay with that decision I felt honored. Even more than that, I felt that they sincerely trusted me. Words cannot express how much that meant to me. I came into this wanting to make everything as wonderful as I could for them and at this moment I felt like I had done just that.

  I delivered their little guy early in the morning, so by mid-morning everyone was exhausted. Mom and dad decided they would take sister home to wash up and try to get a little rest. They would be back to spend time with baby before returning to their hotel for the night. While they were gone I took the chance to get some sleep and spend some time telling little man all about our journey. When they returned, mom surprised me by asking if I would mind if she stayed overnight with the baby and I. Of course I was thrilled! I was looking forward to spending some quality time with her and baby after all those months of thinking about the moment she would finally meet the little one I was growing. I never expected we would bond in a very special way that night.

  Because I had a C-section I needed a lot of help doing very simple things. With all the help I needed, I rarely had to call for the nurse. Mom helped me do everything. She helped me get to the restroom, and even checked my C-section site when I felt pain. When I told her she didn’t have to do all of these things she said, “I want to do this. This helps me feel like I’m a part of this process.”  And I was happy to do anything to make this experience perfect for her.

  After she would help me do the things I needed to do she would take me back to my bed and hand me the baby. I held him, fed him, and changed him while we talked about how perfect he was and who he might become. We shared our thoughts and feelings on the past year, and our hopes for the future. She trusted me enough to share her hope for her family and the fears she carries. What an honor! That night we slept when the baby slept, and woke together to care for him. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me.

  When the time came for us to leave the hospital my heart was full. They had the baby they’d been praying for, and I had a beautiful pregnancy followed by the precious moments with mom and baby.

I’ve written this because I wanted to share how beautiful this journey was for both the family and me. My dedication to their family gave them hope, and their trust in that gave me a beautiful journey. I hope that your journey, however it is traveled, is as fulfilling as ours.

Sincerely,

 A truly blessed gestational carrier